Tuesday Thoughts

It’s 4:30AM and my mind is all over the place. I said my prayers for a clear mind and a clean heart, and as always I start journaling my thoughts.

The person I want to be, the things I want to do require me to reevaluate the person I am now. I know what I want or at least I think I do and it’s makes me anxious. I know you should never be anxious,but I can see it, I can feel it, it’s like I’m so close. Sometimes it makes me feel late, I wouldn’t say behind because everything works out with perfect timing but OMG. Where I’m at now is not where I want to be. I want more. I’m grateful, I’m blessed, there’s nothing wrong with wanting more and leveling up. Not just for me, but for my children, my family, my friends.

As I go, I realize leveling up comes with many obstacles, it’s like life is a nonstop learning experience,I’m grateful but lord. I gain as I grow,but I lose on what I used to love. When you’re moving up, everything and everyone can’t come with you and that’s the sad news, but the good news is you’re elevating. And that’s the scary part for me because there’s people and things I love that I want to enjoy with,but with that is not good intentions,it’s not pure happiness for me. I wouldn’t call it jealousy or envy,but I can say the saying is true, “ people love to see you do good, just not better than you”. I try to block out those thoughts because I’ll never understand it or relate to that part. I love to see others do good, I truly be genuinely happy and rooting for others. When I see someone doing better than me, it motivates me to go harder, learn what I need to do to step it up. Teach me, show me what and where I need to improve. I’m constantly up studying and learning. Knowledge is everything, and I want to soak up all there is to help me become a better woman. To be continued….

-ash B