AGAIN:BROKEN

10AM(he’s walking through the door)

Here we go again, same shit different day. Back at the same shit,smh

“Why you keep fucking around and hurting me”, “mane I don’t want to hear that shit”, now he’s mad at me & want to leave again because I called out his bullshit. “If u leave u can stay gone, I’m over this shit”, “bet”. The same shit he say every time. He grabbed his keys and left. I can’t keep putting myself through this. I say the same thing, he leave, I cry, & he come back. It never ends.

It’s now 1130PM

He haven’t called for text me since our argument earlier and I’m damn sure not gone call him. Every time I say how I feel, it gives him more reasons to leave and fuck on the next bitch. Imma pull up to the trap & see if he’s there’s, if I see him doing anything, it’s over with. My mind fighting thoughts, my mind saying one thing, my heart is feeling another. I just don’t want to face reality of shit.

I pulled up and sure enough he’s out there, leaning inside a black car window, I hopped out. It’s a bitch, she pulled off, I’m going off on him. Embarrassing, fuck embarrassing that shit hurtful ..

“I’m done with this shit”, I pull off crying, hurt, mad, all in one.

The whole ride tears steady falling, time after time, I thought shit would get better, but it’s only worse. I made it home and packed my shit, I’m leaving, I’m done with this ! Normally I’ll fuck some shit up, but I’m just over it, this time I just left.

I got in my car and just drove, I hopped on the interstate and just drove. I played some R&B music and just drove. I know slow jams will only make me cry, but I actually felt good. I been driving for 3 hours, I’m tired.

I stopped and got a room at The Marriot Hotel. It’s 3AM & he haven’t called or texted me 😔

I took a hot shower and put on a movie. I cried myself to sleep. Woke up the next morning, no missed calls, no text.

I got breakfast and scrolled on IG, he posted on his story but didn’t call or text me. Shit sad AF, but oh well. I’m mentally drained, emotionally fucked up, and just can’t get out of my head.

Questioning myself, “why he keep cheating”, “why am I not good enough”, “am I not prettier enough”, “I make my own money and do my shit”. “Lord what is wrong with me”… (like I’m literally begging to God wtf wrong with me) 😭😭🥺😩

To be continued….

(yes, there are typos)

-ash B